1. Show up on time. If you can’t, call or notify manager, booker/host. Or someone on the show.

2. Know what “the light” is & don’t run it. At The Hollywood Improv it says you may not get booked again if you do.

3. When on stage, understand mic control and “find your light”. You’re there to be seen & heard. Let the light hit your face. Don’t hide in the shadows.

4. Learn how to MC. Great MC’s make great headliners. It’s the first club gig most comics get booked for. Craig Gass told me this.

5. If you are concerned about money, ask about it before you book a gig. Getting mad after the fact is moot. And if you are in it Just for the money, you will be disappointed.

6. If you want to work a venue, show up there more than once a month. Being seen at the club, is a good way of getting seen on the stage.

7. The staff has the ear of bookers and managers. If they don’t like you, it could affect your booking status. So buy drinks/food and tip!!

8. Be patient. Even when you are done waiting, wait some more. Chris Rock has a good story about that, and how he got SNL. They don’t call it “Last Comic Standing” for nothing.

9. Start an email list. It’s helpful when creating a fan base.

10. Write often and write anything. Jokes, stories, quotes, nonsense, ideas, feelings etc…You might not be able to use it today but it could be gold tomorrow.

11. Alcohol may be “free” for performers but the cost of drunkenness, could leave you paying for it for years to come.

12. Have a solid 3, 5, 7, 10, 12, 15, 20, 25, 30, 45 and hour. 13. Get a bus, BART, train, shuttle, public transit schedule. You never know when you’ll need it. Also, get familiar with Craigslist ride-share.

14. In college, you learn from professors and study with other students. It’s the same in comedy. Get to know headliners. They tend to know more than the open mic’ers you hang with. And if they like you, you could end up their opener or feature.

15. Don’t take NO for an answer. But don’t be an ass when you get told it.

16. Don’t steal jokes. And don’t get caught up being the “joke police” either. Write and focus on your own act. That was something Marc Maron told me in an interview.

17. Don’t forget that this is show “business”. If it was just about the art, you wouldn’t be working so hard to get club work or getting paid.

“I Feel Like I Just Followed Mesherling!”

ZSA-ZSA-ZSA!

I am a performer & someone who has worked in comedy clubs.

I have seen Tracy Morgan perform many times.

His “rants” are not some new random “hate speech”.

This is his act. He is kind of a shock comic. Just as Sarah Silverman is a Shock Comic.

But she is cute & white, so we just go. “Tee, hee! That’s Naughty.”

But Morgan is considered “unstable, black and angry”, so he must be serious and not joking.

The offended Kevin Rogers claims he felt that he didn’t think Morgan was joking.

Uh…wake up call! He is a comedian of 20+ years and he was on stage at a comedy show, HE WAS JOKING!! Maybe not a very clever or obvious joke but, a joke none the less. And yes, maybe not at all PC.

Now YOU might not find it funny or interesting or ironic but, enough do. I have seen him kill it in San Francisco!! Yes home of to many gay folk. No one walked out. In San Jose though, he walked many in the crowd but, SJ is more conservative.

He has no obligation to be polite or PC. He is NOT a politician or community leader. He is a comedian or rather a “satirical artist” And to some he’s funny. Again, it’s context, intent, perspective and personal taste. Just because you didn’t laugh or you were offended does not magically make it NOT comedy,

I have seen people come to a comedy show because they have seen someone on TV. Because it is on TV, the characters that some comics play are nice, or funny, or kooky. Then they get to a show and “OMG, what happened to that lovable character I so liked so much on TV?!” Wake up call. That’s the character on TV. On stage that is their stand-up act. For all it’s rights and wrongs, that is their act.

I watched people walk out on Morgan, Paul Mooney, Jay Morh, and Jeff Garlin. Why?! Cuz they were NOT like their characters on TV. People would demand refunds and ask for money back. The manager would offer them passes but not their money. Why? Cuz that’s their act. Go online…there are plenty of reviews and videos of most comedians. If you live in 2011, you have access to technology that allows you to research a comic before you buy tix or make the decision to just randomly walk into a club. That would be like buying a car cuz it “looks pretty” or “sounds good”, rather than reading the specs, reports, or taking it for a test drive.

A comic has the ability to shake people up, or be a mirror of society or illicit change through their commentary. Cheech and Chong went to jail because people in Florida found them offensive. Mind you, the show was sold out. So who actually found them offensive. Probably some IDIOT who saw them on a TV interview and thought it would be a fun show to see, not knowing that they talked about MARIJUANA. Lenny Bruce also went to jail many time because of his choice of words. He even used the words that at the time were “taboo”. If you walked out at the moment he uttered such a word, you would have thought him offensive even though he later clarified his intent.

If you have certain buttons that if pushed get you heated then stay away or research before going somewhere. This happens too often. I would tell anyone that if you are expecting to see the character a comic plays on TV, turn around and leave. you WILL be disappointed.

Comedian Andy Dick is being sued by a Dallas area man for exposing his lil’ Richard during a performance. The man, Robert Tucker claims emotional distress. Dick has a history of exposing his genitals. During a past performance at Cobb’s Comedy Club, Dick exposed his junk on stage. In the audience was Robin Williams who took much enjoyment in Dick’s performance. His laughter was loud and constant. He laughed more than the audience as a whole.

I will always remember that weekend. I was acting stage manager for the shows and I had to deal with Andy personally. At one point Andy asked me to comeover and give him a hug of reassurance that he was doing fine.

“Big Al! Big Al! Come here. Hold me. Please. tell me, am I doing good?”

I replied, “You’re fine. The audience loves you!”

I held Dick. I will never be the same.

Comedian Milton Jones Performs For Cows

A comedian performed a stand-up routine to a field of cows in an experiment intended to see if they have a sense of humour.

Milton Jones was joined by cow expert Bruce Woodacre on a Hertfordshire farm to test the reaction of a herd of fresians.

He performed a special set of visual and verbal jokes, called Pull The Udder One, while Mr Woodacre monitored the cows’ reaction.

Gags included: “So you cows say you’re vegetarians - but how come you all wear leather, eh?” and: “Went to one of those farmers markets the other day - bought a couple of farmers. Should taste lovely!”

Mr Jones said: “Writing comedy for cows was very different to my day job but a comedian plays to his audience, so I wrote a raft of new material to really get under their hides.

“They were a tough crowd to begin with, although I’ve played to tougher, and whilst I tried not to milk it too much when I was up there, in the end I can say hand on heart they were udderly brilliant.”

Mr Woodacre, who has studied cow behaviour for more than 40 years, said: “Happy cows are more productive and there’s a chance we’ve stumbled across something here.

“Most of the herd crowded closely round the stage and jostled for a good position. They had their mouths open and their ears laid back, indicating they were relaxed and content.

“Not everyone was entertained though - I definitely heard some low heckling moos and there were even a few walk-outs.”

The stunt was set up by Bel UK, makers of The Laughing Cow cheese.

-Orange News